Is it true that many are unconsciously looking for the same type of person who reminds them of their first love?

Is it true that many are unconsciously looking for the same type of person who reminds them of their first love?

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answers (3)

Answer 1
January, 2021

Yes, it's still true :)

The worst of all this is that this is an uncontrolled process, and the brain, realizing that you were good with this person, tries not to look for an alternative, but simply find identical. We ourselves do not think about how this happens. The first love is the first because we have the most vivid feelings from it. You shouldn't try to deceive yourself, just live without thinking about the past, all the best is yet to come.

Answer 2
January, 2021

In my opinion, no. I think that this point of view is one of the manifestations of the mythologization of first love as "destiny", "a woman loves once," etc.

At the same time, probably, many people (and I too) there is a certain set of characteristics that, in different combinations, are often found in people who we consider attractive. My official first love years later seems to me more narcissistic, that is, it related to a person who is more similar to me in temperament and some part of romantic strategies than to the type of men that I eventually like.

But however, repetitive unwanted and unpleasant situations like falling in love with the wrong guys can almost always say a lot about the person who falls into them. Firstly, about his self-attitude - we are drawn to what corresponds to our subconscious idea of โ€‹โ€‹ourselves, and not our benefit or pleasure. Secondly, about life strategies - many people find themselves in unfit situations due to the fact that they imagine them much better and know how to live and feel in them, and prosperous situations remain a shaky abstraction. Thirdly, about metaphors - if we perceive relations as a game, war or hunt, then they will eventually become a game, war or hunt. Fourthly, about the desired - almost all the "wrong" situations in which we find ourselves probably have not only disadvantages, but also advantages that are important to us, we just do not know how to look for them on our own, without disadvantages.

So the problem of fixing on the wrong type of people may well exist, but its causes lie more in relationships with oneself and with the world than in a bad first experience. Rather, an unsuccessful first experience is a consequence of the previously established relationship with oneself and the world.

Answer 3
January, 2021

I have a slightly different situation, until recently I chose men similar to my father. In my head I understand that this is a man who takes care of me, that's the reason. Most likely the previous commentator is right and you still have fond memories of your first love.

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