If suppressing emotions is harmful, then how can you express them without getting into a weak position and not showing them to other people?

If suppressing emotions is harmful, then how can you express them without getting into a weak position and not showing them to other people?

Feelings: Handle them before they handle you | Mandy Saligari | TEDxGuildford

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answers (11)

Answer 1
April, 2021

Emotions do not need to be suppressed, but they can be controlled. It is the inability to manage that indicates your weakness.

Refuse the manifestation of violent emotions, but not suppressing them, and not allowing them to arise. Expression of emotions is a habit, and not under your control. Change this habit, thereby showing strength, first of all to yourself.

Answer 2
April, 2021

First you need to define the terms. You express thoughts and feelings, emotions do not have to be expressed, they can be regulated according to your desire. There are a number of effective techniques with which you can learn to manage your emotions. First, you need to understand the basics of the psychophysiology of emotions, because in order to control something, you need to understand how mechanisms work. Further, it is necessary to understand that emotions are psychic energy that does not have a positive or negative charge. Only your inner ideas charge emotions with a positive or negative charge. This means that it is possible to form positive ones from the emerging negative emotions. How and with the help of what techniques to make the regulation of emotions is substantiated by me in the Basics of Autosuggestion. Learn to manage yourself!

Answer 3
April, 2021

Well, first of all, "suppressing emotions" is not always harmful.

Emotion flares up like a fire.

To extinguish the "starting fire" is very easy and not harmful at all, and the "strong position" is the training of the will, which in life is called "filtering the market" in time or, as psychologists say, "impulse-control". You control yourself and stop in time before provoking a strong emotion.

Do not enter into an argument or conflict.

Putting out a blazing fire is difficult and can indeed be harmful. The important thing here is not how to extinguish the fire of emotions and transfer the anger to some safe dummy - makiwara.

Here the "strong position" will be to work out this emotion and imagine where you would stop next time and how you would react " right "or" strong ".

A strong position is: not to get involved in the first fight, but to avoid mines and rake in sight.

Answer 4
April, 2021

Admitting your weaknesses to yourself and understanding that no one is a robot, this is the norm. And, at the same time, that this is not a reason to get hung up on them. Usually people allow themselves to be themselves in front of loved ones - after all, these are not all people in general. Telling what worries, for example.

In general, not all emotions should be suppressed. Joy is an emotion that people love to see, why hide it?

Answer 5
April, 2021

Express them in writing.

Expression does not necessarily imply publicity. Publicity is primarily needed to validate emotions.

You can carry a notebook and pen and write down what happened in a short form like this:

  • What did the person do
  • How did you feel?
  • Why did he do it,
  • Why is this inappropriate behavior

If you want to describe in more detail what happened (for example, with a particularly fat offense), you can describe in more detail:

  • What happened
  • How the person behaved (provoked, insulted, etc.)
  • Why did you perceive it as an insult, disrespect, etc.
  • How he should have behaved
  • What if everyone was like him
  • How did you react and why
  • How did you feel the moment you reacted
  • How did you shape this conflict
  • What you shouldn't have done
  • What if you treated him this way
  • Why is this person like that (personality traits)
  • What conclusions did you draw after this
  • What decisions did you make after that
  • What actions did you take after this
  • How would you like to take revenge on the offender
  • How would you behave if you could travel back in time
  • What would happen if you did this
  • What would happen if you immediately forgave the person on the spot?
  • Why can't you forgive him right now?
  • What needs to happen for you to forgive him right now?
  • What happens if you forgive him right now?

This will allow you to properly dig into your emotions, expressing them for yourself, at the same time clarifying. And no one will know anything.

If you want to remove the charge from these emotions later, you can read my article How to work through resentment .

Success and all the best in life no offense!


Answer 6
April, 2021

Learn to be ironic! In the situations that you describe, your opponent, as you understand, is just waiting for you to lose your temper to see your reaction. Since you are, apparently, a rather delicate person. So turn someone else's weapon at the enemy, hone the ability of the "sharp tongue". The answer should not be rude or indecent. Only irony, and in some cases even sarcasm!

Answer 7
April, 2021

To begin with - accept the fact that you are only a human being. And emotions are peculiar to a person.
Secondly, accept that the people around are also just people, with all that it implies.
And thirdly, relying on the first two points - stop taking everything to heart. Everyone is screwing up, everyone is lying, no one is perfect. This is normal.
And about the "weak position": why are you so afraid of it ?! Well, others will see that you are also a person. God, what a horror. Sometimes it even bears fruit ... The main thing is not to overdo it.
Well, if you master all 3 points, then you won't have to suppress anything, you will simply and calmly perceive that the person sitting in front of you is an idiot ...

Answer 8
April, 2021

To learn how to suppress emotions, you must first start learning to control yourself.

Well, for example: you farts, you can not restrain yourself. Usually, if you can't restrain yourself, you go into a closed room away from everyone and there you fart.

It's the same with emotions.

When you learn to run with this emotion to the toilet without spilling, then you have already passed the first stage.

Everyone has their own "toilet". Someone breaks down on cats, someone on a neighbor's boy, someone hits a pillow.

At the second stage, a person is already thinking - why did I get so angry? What have I eaten? And he starts experimenting with food. And in simple cases it solves the problem: Here it is - peas. Don't eat legumes - you won't fart.

Don't provoke such people, you won't explode. Stay away from the annoyance!

Having learned these two steps, you can ask a question about the third step.

Answer 9
April, 2021

This is not always harmful and not always useful. Our psyche is flexible and durable enough to show anger, for example, by throwing a joystick on the couch in a computer game, or to restrain anger when dealing with a stupid client. Neither one nor the other will become more useful or harmful in itself.

Therefore, you need to learn to maintain a balance - showing emotions, distracting from them or suppressing them - depending on the current need.

And one more thing - emotions do not make a person weak. Why would it suddenly. On the contrary - there, come up and say to the person: "Listen, you offended me" - this is a very strong act, not every person will dare to do this. So in your case, the problem is not emotions, the problem is self-esteem, self-acceptance. I, a stale biscuit, probably sobbed for a couple of hours over a painted plush platypus - so what? (who understood the reference - the like, who did not understand - and do not need it). Well, yes, I'm a man, it happens. In your eyes, this did not make me any worse, maximum, you will be surprised - that's all.

Answer 10
April, 2021

Leave the room and "throw out" your emotions outside or play with the intonation of your voice. If emotions "rage" in you and at the same time you refrain from screaming and anger - this does not mean that you have taken a weak position, you have taken the role of a wise adult. All emotions must be expressed with a cool head, and it is necessary to "throw out" outside the territory where the crowd of people is.

Answer 11
April, 2021

Egor, if you want to express emotions, but do not want to show them, then the best options for you might be:

  • Expressive physical movements: boxing in the air

  • Scream in full voice (you can use the pillow so no one can hear)

  • Tears and sobs

  • Breathing Techniques

All of these options help to defuse emotions at the bodily level.

But such methods are not always available in a public place.

In addition, hiding your emotions from people can be harmful to your relationship, because people do not see your real assessment of what is happening between you.

Therefore, psychology has developed a special method of how to express emotions without destroying relationships with others. That is, to do it constructively.

More details about this technique and practical steps, how to do it, I tell in this video: https://youtu.be/fsqRSqHKqWs

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