Why does self-hatred and self-hatred arise?
The reasons for the appearance of a negative emotional attitude towards oneself lie in deep psychological trauma:
How to stop hating yourself and your life?
In fact, this is a very serious and important question in the life of any person, which can radically change his life. And this requires fundamental changes, in which a specialist can help.
To change your attitude towards yourself and get rid of feelings of hatred, you need to change attitudes. An experienced psychologist will help to do this, who will conduct a deep psychoanalysis, find out the cause of this condition and select a psychological technique to replace negative attitudes. In this case, methods of persuasion, art therapy, hypnosis, gestalt therapy and special physical exercises for accepting your body are effective.
Unfortunately, it is very difficult to cope with this task on your own and without special knowledge and skills it is impossible everyone can.
Own appearance in the eyes of a person is often a very subjective concept based on comparing oneself with others, and if this comparison is not in one's favor, dislike for oneself appears, and often hatred, sometimes turning into auto-aggression (which can be expressed as through self-harm, and through painful and sometimes crippling beauty practices). Comparison of their own appearance is mainly with gloss, characters of the television and film industry, popular Internet personalities. In this case, it is worth remembering that in the pictures we see ordinary people in favorable angles and in images, on which a whole team of stylists and makeup artists often worked, while photographs lend themselves to professional graphic processing.
It is necessary to learn to look at ourselves objectively - that is, the way we see the people around us: in whole images, without hypertrophy of individual flaws or features, as a result of which a generally pleasant impression is created from the appearance of the majority around. There is no hatred for the appearance of a person nearby, but there is hatred for the appearance of oneself - which means that it is worth trying to look at yourself detached, as at a stranger. It also makes no sense to compare yourself with the currently fashionable appearance, since this fashion changes very quickly and you can't keep up with it, and the best way to look funny in old photos is to follow fashion (for example, we are already laughing at excessive tanning and lips- dumplings, which were very fashionable a dozen years ago).
Appearance is a body, in the body, first of all, it should be comfortable to live, it is for this purpose given to a person, in order to carry a mind within himself. If there are objective reasons because of which it is really inconvenient to live in the body, and they can be corrected, they need to be corrected, not hated, because this hatred is absurd and destructive. But this correction should benefit the body, not cripple it. If, unfortunately, what makes it inconvenient to live in the body cannot be corrected in any way, then you will have to learn to live with it over time. Those who have learned to live with themselves, despite their shortcomings, win the Paralympics, paint pictures with their feet, rejoice at what they have, because they know how to appreciate what they have. Stephen Hawking, too, could at one time simply begin to hate himself and his appearance and close in himself.
If the physical reason for self-loathing is only in inconsistency with some canons of beauty at the moment, you must try to understand that it is artificial and imposed from the outside, and therefore should be ignored as destructive. Self-hatred is a very destructive feeling, because of it a person loses self-confidence, drives his dreams and their realization as deeply inside himself as possible, losing potential chances in life. But by setting priorities for yourself, you can learn to live with yourself as you are, gradually improving both your own body and your own life, which, spinning into its interesting cycle, very well distracts from most negative emotions.
Imagine that you are not her. You are not your body or your appearance. If everyone walked in paper bags, life could be much easier. So, it is important to remember that appearance is just a superficial system of self-esteem and assessment of others. But putting your appearance aside, you realize that there is something more important and valuable.
And you begin to choose the environment not only for beauty, but also for goodness, and for that they will be thrown or not.
I have not read what others write there, but most likely everyone is pouring in about the fact that you need to score at everyone and accept yourself. This is all, sorry, nonsense. You have to work on yourself every day and every hour. A person is attractive if he is well-groomed, that's all.
Love yourself. And for this you need to take care of yourself. Exercising in the morning, jogging, sports, proper nutrition, books. More outdoor walks. Purposefulness in work and study. Communication with interesting people. We must take care of ourselves. With your body, your knowledge, your heart. You need to listen to pleasant music, learn languages, look after your appearance. Without effort, nothing will work. Less bad habits, fast foods, cheap alcohol, cigarettes and depression. Forget about laziness and boredom. More joy, positive emotions, friends, meetings. new impressions. Pick up beautiful things, make a new hairstyle) Become an interesting conversationalist for other people. Find a hobby for yourself. There would be a desire, but there will be opportunities. And then not only you yourself will change, but also the world around you)
I will not pretend to be universal and categorical in my advice, I will just share my story with you. I started to love myself and my appearance when I started to play sports. I must say right away, no, this is not necessary for everyone, I do not call for "EVERYTHING". It's just that this choice was the impetus. Over time, I began to see the changes that I achieved through my own efforts, and this could not but rejoice. Along with this, I increasingly began to notice that many aspects of my appearance that I didn’t notice / didn’t really like became quite nice and pleasant to me. Unexpectedly for myself, I began to love myself. And a person who loves his appearance (without narcissism), becomes more confident, and with this likable people around him. In my opinion, all these advice "do not listen to anyone around, you are beautiful" are somewhat incorrect, since they have never helped me personally. If you do not love yourself here and now - do something, be it your favorite business or sports. Over time, you will begin to see changes in yourself, and in any - material and non-material - plan, and this will bring you pleasure. Do not notice how you love yourself :)
Most likely this manifests itself at the level of complexes. I will not fill in about someone else's opinion. I know how much you don't care about it, even if it's good, or better than personal. The most important thing is personal opinion. A person who thinks that he is not handsome outwardly, anyway, has some thoughts that perhaps he considers "cosmic" in complexity, but in fact, if he really wants to do this, he will get rid of this problem. You just need to occupy a person who thinks so about himself with those things that he seems to be lacking in his appearance. Earn extra money on hair, physique, gear, etc. If a girl, then perhaps the same desire to work on eyelashes, eyebrows, with cosmetics, bags, etc. The question may arise "where to get the money?" In general, you can make money. Now summer is a good time for that. It's a pity it ends. It's just that, let's say, I really know that many girls go to work since the end of May, even sometimes, so that by July they can already afford any external changes. If you want to go around this, then you should look for some kind of self-realization of your external qualities. Those. let's say that a person's appearance would allow him to do something that others cannot do. A stupid example, but for example raising one eyebrow can give a lot of pleasure, and even if a person sometimes looks like a moron doing this, but it's really fun and unusual, and makes you look at a person's appearance from the other side, both to the person and to those around him.
Appearance is not only facial features and a symmetrical structure. It is a toned body, a confident gait, an even back. Pleasant facial expressions and plastic movements. It happens that you buy on stereotypes imposed by advertising, a certain type in fashion, as they say. But take a closer look. , how many who are "in trend" are outwardly so pleasant? No, of course. Appearance is an impression, but it develops when you "look closely" at a person. Not well-groomed, often untidiness. Sloppy movements, undeveloped speech, stupid facial expressions, empty eyes and a wooden body - can you really like it? Of course, I am not an advisor, but try to captivate yourself with something from which you will rejoice and enjoy. Not to become "like everyone else", in order to please yourself. Take up dancing (dance is an amazing tool of self-expression, liberates, fills with energy), fitness, find out your physical capabilities, communicate with interesting people, meaningful and you will change a lot. I assure you, very much. And you will feel and see yourself completely differently. How to wake up. .Eightness in the body is the lightness of being. The body is our shell, the face is our content. And the forms, features, proportions are the very changeable fashion that people who are not too demanding pay tribute to. Do not be upset, you can, the main thing is to start (do not think about appearance, think about how good and cool it is to live, how pleasant it is to move, what a wonderful smile and understanding eyes you have). Our body is worthy of respect, we live in it :)
The problem is that we often compare ourselves with some generally accepted ideals. When our expectations do not match reality, we begin to reproach ourselves. Brain tricks - now, if I had legs like Naomi Kumble or a smile like Julia Roberts, then life would be better, we would be the happiest.
And we also put on ourselves the cross of hopelessness, that we are not subject to change our appearance for the better, because it seems like a monstrously difficult test to work on ourselves.
Here it will come to the rescue: change the attitude towards changes and work hard on your "minus".
Self-confidence grows from how we overcome problems. Don't give up!