How to stop feeling sorry for yourself?

The first reason is that a person finds himself in a situation of hopelessness and a state of powerlessness, when he realizes that he is not able to do anything to change the situation. An example is a situation when a person breaks up with someone he loves very much, but is unable to do anything to stay together. Or a confrontation with a more serious, strong or erudite adversary who surpasses the human victim in all respects, without giving any opportunity to give back, fend off attacks, give weighty arguments, etc.

The second reason is the person's underestimation their own strengths and capabilities. In other words, such a person feels like a defenseless, vulnerable and fragile creature who is easy to harm and who is easy to offend. And it is precisely such an opinion about themselves and the corresponding beliefs that do not allow people to calmly experience serious difficulties, difficult trials, etc. The usual attitude plays a role here: if I consider myself strong and capable of something, then I am strong and capable of it, and if I am sure that I am weak and defenseless, then this is also true.

The reasons for self-pity can also include simpler explanations: physical pain, resentment, injustice, careless and insolent attitude from others, humiliation, shame, melancholy, remorse, etc.

1. Determine the cause of self-pity and ask the right questions

The first step involves realizing the problem. Go to concrete practical actions and look at the situation as objectively as possible. What makes you feel sorry for yourself? What do you usually do when you face a serious problem? Perhaps you are waiting for everything to work out by itself, and passively expect changes?

You must learn to take responsibility for your actions and be fully aware of what you are doing. It is important to realize that you and no one else are the creators of your life. And this position looks somewhat different. Ask yourself what are you doing wrong? How can you somehow influence the situation? What can be done to change the state of affairs in your favor? The answers received will set the direction for further actions, because you will put yourself in the main position - the position of a person who is himself responsible for his current state.

2. Analyze and form a new vision

After of how you realized that you yourself are the cause of your failures and self-pity, and also felt that you are responsible for your every wrong act or step, you will cease to feel like a victim - the one against whom the whole world and all the people in it.

Analyze your life in terms of what can be changed in it, what areas need improvement in order for it to become better. You need to see a springboard for action, make a plan and outline how you will begin to achieve your goal.

Remember once and for all that absenceself-pity implies a great responsibility, and only those who are able to control themselves and are ready to create their own destiny are capable of being a person who does not want themselves. Form positive thinking, do what will give you positive emotions, exercise willpower and develop self-confidence.

3. List of benefits

Self-pity is very insidious, but it should be understood that it is not the losers or those with little property or wealth that are subject to it. Self-pity is the enemy of those who constantly demand something, who are constantly not enough of something.

Take a critical look at yourself. Even if you don’t have three cars of the latest model, you don’t have the means to afford a carefree life, you don’t have a huge wardrobe or a bunch of gadgets and trinkets that speak of your status. But is that really the point? Is this a reason not to love yourself and your life ?!

Take a piece of paper and get ready for serious work: write a list of all your advantages and positive qualities, everything that you can be proud of. Celebrate your abilities, talents, skills, knowledge, victories, successes, purchases, and more. For example, you know English well, although you haven't studied it - great - write it down! You have a sharp mind and read a lot of books - add it to the list! Recently you bought yourself a not very expensive, but new laptop, and yesterday you managed to make a great joke in an unfamiliar company - this is also suitable - put it on the list!

Understand that you are a unique person anyway. There is no doubt that you have some skills and qualities that others do not have. Your list should not include all the best that can only be found, but, on the contrary, meaningful for people as little as possible, but meaningful for you.

What do you think is the kind of person you saw yourself today, is it required to be constantly pitied? Is he pathetic and weak? Rather, he is worthy of respect and praise, and self-pity is just a mask that you used to wear.

By feeling sorry for yourself, you make yourself weaker, shape the mindset of a victim of circumstances, attract bad events into life, show disrespect to yourself. And who will respect you if you don't do it yourself? So, tactfully, consistently, coolly and, most importantly, ruthlessly destroy self-pity. As soon as you get rid of, and even as soon as you start doing it, you will see that everything is much better than you imagined, and your life will begin to change, become brighter and happier. And no one and nothing will be able to make you feel sorry for yourself again.

Be persistent and appreciate yourself!

Anna, as practice shows, in such pity for a person there is some benefit or something, I can't find the right word. In addition, the habitual state of experiencing pain, familiar and already familiar.

If there are no mental processes with which you need to consult a specialist, you understand that you can cope on your own, try to find meaning and benefit in self-pity, in sacrifice. Why do you go through this over and over again? What does it give you?

If you find the answer to these questions, you can move on.

The path is not the closest.

After you stop feeling sorry for yourself, you may find that what caused you unpleasant experiences, a valuable experience that will help you develop further.

But while you look from the inside, not free from the experience of pain, the experience is difficult to see.

You need to get out of the situation and look as if from the outside.

It is difficult to try new, much easier to experience the familiar, it is familiar.

Try to write a story or a few about what happened to you and what lesson you are taking from it.

And good luck changing pity to love and personal development!

The reason is that you want to relive that unpleasant moment over and over again to harden to it. Those. repeated experience of "pain" dulls it. Analogously, if you start pouring yourself over with ice water, then after a while you will be less and less cold from it. The body will just get used to it. Another reason and likely method of dealing with that. that you described this replay of the situation differently, as you thought it should have happened. Those. if you are offended by someone's words or actions, imagine that this person speaks and acts differently, as you yourself would think he should have said or done. And also imagine how you yourself would act in the place of the one who hurt or offended you. Maybe you will understand that you yourself could have made a mistake in his place.

P.S. It is very difficult to advise something certain without knowing the specifics.

I myself am tormented by this ... and how to get rid of this, I will not put my mind to it, because everything that was advised here was a passed stage.

Psychologists / psychotherapists / antidepressants were also there.

Oh, for this you need to thoroughly harden your soul and be imbued with the awareness of your own infallibility! Then the conscience, and it is she tossing and turning, will be completely lazy and will cease to stir up memory. The process itself is quite simple - I remembered how something was done wrong - mentally shake yourself like a dog coming out of the water, and stay on opposite sides of the spray - you are here, everything is bad - somewhere ... With especially obsessive thoughts you can do more refined: re-read the story of Edgar Poe, The Keg of Amontillado, mentally go through the whole process and end each such memory with the words Rest in Peace!

Smile is a smile, but in every smile there is also a bit of cynicism ...

All the best! Good luck!

You can't say better than the classics ...

1 Dale Carnegie: Get busy. This is the cheapest medicine on earth - and one of the most effective. The secret of our unhappiness is that we have too much leisure to reflect on whether we are happy or not.

2 Forrest Gump: To go into the future, you need to get rid of the past.

3 Dale Carnegie: Live in the "Compartment" of today

In the spring of 1871, a young man took a book and read seventeen words that completely changed his future. When he was a medical student doing an internship at a general hospital in Montreal, he was concerned about the following issues: how to pass his final exams, where to go to work, how to organize his practice, how to make a living.

Seventeen words this young medical student read in 1871 helped him become the most famous therapist of his time. He organized the world famous Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. He became the Royal Professor of Medicine at Oxford, the highest title that can be awarded to a medical scientist in the British Empire. He was elevated to the rank of nobility by the King of England. When he died, two huge volumes of 1,466 pages were released that told the story of his life.

His name was Sir William Osler. Below are seventeen words written by Thomas Carlyle that helped him free his life from anxiety: “Our main task is not to look into the foggy distant future, but to act now, in the direction that we can see.”

Forty-two years later, on a quiet spring evening, when tulips were blooming in the university park, Sir William Osler addressed the students of Yale University. He said that a man like him, a professor at four universities and author of a popular book, is believed to have a "brain of a special quality." This is not true, he said. It turns out that his close friends knew that he possessed “the most mediocre abilities.”

What is the secret of his success? He said that he was successful because he sought to live in a compartment of today, impenetrable from the rest of the day. What did he mean? A few months before his speech at Yale, Sir William Osler crossed the Atlantic Ocean on a large ocean liner, on which the captain, standing on the bridge, could press a button, and immediately the noise of mechanisms was heard, and individual compartments of the ship began to be hermetically sealed to they did not get water. “Each of you,” Dr. Osler told these students, “is a much more remarkable machine than a giant liner, and once you enter life, you set out on a longer voyage. I insist that you must learn to control the mechanism given to you and protect it from storms, that is, isolate its individual compartments in time. Only thatwhere you will ensure the safety of your trip. Stand on the bridge and ensure that at least the main bulkheads of the ship are operational. Press the button and you will hear how, at every stage of your life, iron doors isolate the past from you - the dead yesterdays. Press another button and a metal curtain seals the future - unborn tomorrows. Then you are completely safe - for today! .. Isolate the past! Let the dead past bury its dead ... Isolate the yesterdays, which illuminated the path for fools to the grave. The burden of the future, added to the burden of the past, which you load on yourself in the present, makes even the strongest stumble in the path. Isolate the future as hermetically as the past ... The future is in the present ... There is no tomorrow. The day of man's salvation is today. A senseless waste of energy, mental suffering, nervous anxiety relentlessly follow on the heels of a person who is worried about the future ... So, tightly close all the compartments of the ship, separate the bow and stern parts of the liner with iron bulkheads. Cultivate the habit of living in a period of time separated from the past and the future by “hermetic bulkheads”.