How to help a friend who uses drugs and beats his mother, demanding money?

How to help a friend who uses drugs and beats his mother, demanding money?

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answers (4)

Answer 1
March, 2021

In what sense to help? Well, you can hold your mother while "he beats her, demanding money." Together you can do it for sure. 1488 characters

Answer 2
March, 2021

The question itself contains a model of codependent behavior: "help". Emotionally involved in the situation, the relatives of the chemically dependent person try to "help" him: they persuade, reproach, shame, etc. But in my practice this behavior has rarely been effective - most often the addict does not stop using alcohol / drugs.

But there is a way out of this situation. When consulting on these issues, I recommend that you stick to a detachment strategy. It is sad, but most often relatives provoke the addict to a new round of addiction and use - this is explained by such a phenomenon as "secondary benefits".

Work should be carried out in a complex, of course. But you need to start work with the environment.

Therefore, if you are not indifferent to the fate of your friend and his mother, talk to his mother, discuss the whole situation, work out a strategy of behavior together with competent people. Then the friend and his mom will have a chance.

Answer 3
March, 2021

Unfortunately, no way. I was exactly in such a situation, only it was not about a friend, but about a closer person, and, to be honest, nothing more difficult and hopeless has happened in my life. And hopefully it won't.

But you can do something. You can protect his mother by isolating her from him whenever possible and keeping her safe. It is clear that your freedom of action is limited here, but if you suddenly become a witness of a situation when your friend raises his hand to her, you can hit him. For those who want to say something about a humane attitude and so on, believe me, I came across this much closer than I would like, and I have reasons to say so. And believe me, he lives with unbearable guilt. And if you have the opportunity to stop him from threats and beatings to his mother, stop without hesitation. There is an option that she would rather prefer that he keep hitting her, but there are many organizations and psychologists who work with codependents, this is very, very important.

But is it possible to help him - probably not. It is all very painful and bitter, but we must accept that he will either get out by an incomprehensible mercy, or not. There are amazing stories with miracles, but a person must mature to this himself. Isolation, taiga, Siberia are good, but the sense from this can be when he himself has an inner resolve. And you can be close to him and support him. The most important thing is not to strive to be kind and not to indulge. Just be around. It takes a lot of mental strength, but if you manage to maintain a balance of support and warmth and uncompromising and ruthlessness in a good way, it will be incredibly cool. And in general, he is already lucky that he has such a friend. And it is important for you not to pull everything on yourself and find a resource for yourself, a source to survive it. Here, of course, minus for this, but pray for him, read the lives of the saints.

Good luck.

Answer 4
March, 2021

This is one of the most difficult situations, so there is no clear unequivocal answer.

At one time I was involved in the development of a law on compulsory treatment. There were suggestions that this should be done by a court decision, which can be contacted by law enforcement agencies and the family. Without a clear law on compulsory treatment, there is no chance, because you will bring him to the clinic, and he will write a statement against you.

There are several investigations of such cases in Moscow now. One woman fought with her daughter for 15 years, she drank all her blood and took out the whole apartment. She made an agreement with a serious clinic, hired security, she was brought there. After a while, the daughter ran away, wrote a statement to her mother, the mother was closed, she is now sitting.

In 2013, an amendment was adopted to give judges additional powers when sentencing drug addicts. By the decision of the judge, the drug addict will have to undergo treatment, but how it will be controlled and what will be considered as a result is not prescribed. Therefore, nothing will happen without the law on compulsory treatment.

From my side, just a hint to you. The main thing is to pull out of the circle. To take it to the distant lands, to the taiga, to the North Pole is also suitable. It is necessary to create a situation so that a person is deprived of access to drugs, then he has a chance. And every day spent without drugs adds something to this chance. I have met people who plant their children. “I'd rather let me sit in prison than lie in the cemetery,” they say. But now there is access to drugs in prison and no less than in freedom. Therefore, it may not work. Sometimes they negotiate with a psychiatric hospital and put it there. I cannot recommend any major rehabilitation centers to you.

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