How to contain the pain and not show it, being next to a terminally ill family member in serious condition?

How to contain the pain and not show it, being next to a terminally ill family member in serious condition?

Dying of Coronavirus: A Family's Painful Goodbye | NYT News

Previous questionWhy aren't ambulances allowed to ride on the sidewalks or equip the sidewalks for such emergencies?
Next questionHow does a person with open veins feel?

answers (4)

Answer 1
June, 2021

The dying of a loved one is an extremely difficult period for everyone: both for the one who leaves and for those who accompany him. The pain is strong, and it will be experienced acutely and intensely, both before and after the departure of a loved one. The psyche will survive the pain, but not in a week, not in a month, or even in a year. Take it for granted.

Now about how to "contain the pain and not show" at the patient's bedside. Containment and avoidance are hardly beneficial at all. What will be discussed below is, rather, a translation of the strongest experiences in another direction.

The topic of death in the presence of a patient is usually avoided, it is painful and "uncomfortable". Therefore, relatives often fill the space with strained smiles, awkward silence and empty phrases like: "everything will be fine", "you will survive us." If the stage of the disease does not imply hope of recovery, then these phrases become part of a kind of ritual. Do they only bring relief?

Oddly enough, relief for both the dying and the loved ones brings certainty. What can it be? In recognition of what's going on. In recognition that it is very hard and painful. The dying person has a great need to talk about his condition. If he talks about leaving, listen to him without chattering or changing the subject. Your main help is to be there and share his experiences. Crying together can be more supportive than mock hilarity. Talking about death with a dying person is a great mental work, but it gives an opportunity to relieve the tension of uncertainty and say words that are important for both.

If you have months to say goodbye to your loved one, then this is the time when you can to make up for what they missed once. Express your love - with words, with your touch. Say what there was no time for, words, right moment. Express your gratitude, remember the bright moments. Touch, even if it was not accepted in life "before". Hold your hand, comb your hair, stroke your head.

Filling the last days of your loved one with joyful little things also allows you to "lighten" the state of both the dying person and your own. Bring his favorite treat, favorite flowers, watch your favorite movie together, read aloud an excerpt from his favorite book. Make a gift. Tell us about the good things happening in your life.

Answer 2
June, 2021

While a person is alive, you should make him the most happy and joyful environment. You don't want a person to be sad in the last days or weeks of life, do you? Try to please everyone you can, depending on the diagnosis and possibilities. And leave all the pity "for later" when the person is gone. While he is there, it is better to concentrate on his desires and old dreams.

Your perception depends on your worldview and behavior model, and hardly anyone's words will help in such grief, since fears and experiences are deep in consciousness, and everyone will have to fight them on their own; it is not easy to accept and realize. I am personally convinced that if shit is inevitable, it should be a holiday. Even if a person is already really bad, and he is a little out of consciousness, he will no longer be able to feel warmth and love, and this is the last opportunity to convey to him all the feelings that you feel for him.

I myself was in a similar situation, my grandmother was dying of cancer for 3 months after an unsuccessful struggle, and every time I visited her, I noticed how her thinking deteriorated, she had difficulty connecting words and confusing people ... I remember how I just wanted to run away and not see it. But even more I wanted to hold hands while there is an opportunity, to talk, to look in the face, to remember the features. The body dies, not the person, he simply gradually loses touch with the world, but he still exists and will be, in our consciousness, in our actions, in the actions of his other relatives. Remember that your loved one is suffering and needs your help.

I shared my vision and I hope this will somehow help those who are in a difficult situation. We all feel differently, and you are unlikely to be given accurate information on how to deal with pain. Think about what exactly causes you pain and fear, awareness alone will help you do better (fear of death, fear of loss, fear of pain, fear of innuendo, fear of the future ...) And also remember that other people around you probably feel this pain with you, talk to them about it

Answer 3
June, 2021

I don't even know if it will be said correctly or not, but you need to understand that everything has a beginning and an end. Both the first and the second can go long and fast. You just need to realize that everything goes on as usual. And whatever the minus, it has at least some plus ...

Answer 4
June, 2021

Well, first of all, it is very difficult to be near a terminally ill person, you must understand this right away.

Questions for clarification. What do you want to contain? And what is the condition of a terminally ill person? Is this about his last hours or is he just diagnosed? Does the sick person know or does not know that he is terminally ill? Relatives do not want to discuss this and require ordinary communication in a difficult situation? Relatives are crying, but you think that it is inappropriate on your part, and are holding back? Are you there for a sense of duty, the leaving person is not close to you, and is it just painful for you?

Answers may vary depending on the situation

Related question

Why is euthanasia prohibited? Why is a terminally ill person not given the opportunity to die without torturing him and his family?

Read more

How likely is it that a cure for aging will be invented in the next 60 years? Anyone seriously working in this area?

Read more

Should the parents of a terminally ill teenager tell him about it himself?

Read more

End of Life | Aging Matters | NPT Reports

Would you like to know about your own predisposition to a certain serious illness, if in any case you could not influence either its development or its outcome?

Read more

Dad is seriously ill. How to accept and live on and why?

Read more

Can the weather seriously affect our mood and condition in general?

Read more

Is there a practice in hospitals - to send seriously ill patients "home to die" so as not to spoil the statistics?

Read more

Pain in the testicles. What to do next?

I'm 16 years old. Both eggs started to hurt last night. I would not say that it was pain, but there was a very unpleasant sensation in the groin, as if someone took me, I beg your pardon, by the balls. These sensations intensified if I lifted something heavy or strained my groin muscles. The nex...

Read more

Death and dying: What to expect in the final stages of life

For whatever reason, neither you nor any of your family members have had chickenpox in childhood and up to now? And what are the risks from this?

Read more

Is it possible to get lung cancer or some other serious illness from smoking a cigarette for the first time?

Read more

I have not given vaccinations for 15 years and during this time I have not been ill with anything serious, only a cold in season. Is it luck or vaccinations are not necessary for everyone?

Read more

How to grow a member like a horse and not finish for 3 hours?

Read more

How to prove in a home for the mentally ill that you are not crazy?

Read more

Biden addresses on how he would handle COVID-19 pandemic

I live with my parents and an adult sister, my mother demands to carry out a general cleaning every day, since you cannot do it, tears immediately, but none of the family members need such frequent cleaning. How to proceed?

Read more

I have a question about the coronavirus. How can such a serious illness proceed without a single symptom?

Read more

Are cases of healing from serious illnesses and ailments recorded with the "power of thought" and a positive attitude?

Read more

What if a close relative suffers from schizophrenia, comes up with conspiracy theories against him among family members, but is unlikely to agree to go to the doctor?

Read more

Is it true that dairy products contain hormones and shouldn't be included in the diet?

Read more

Dying of cancer - and stuck in coronavirus lockdown

A question for cosmetologists and dermatologists: is it really better not to use foundation and powder even in the conditions of life in a metropolis?

Read more

A person himself can bring himself to depression and serious conditions, but can he then get out of this state and become the same?

Read more