All my life I live with emotions: from how I perceive others, to the fact that I try to please everyone, and if someone thinks bad of me, I panic. It gets in the way. How to stop living with emotions?

Hello! Any normal person lives with emotions. We all perceive emotionally, both positive and negative. If we didn’t express emotions, we would be boring not only to others, but also to ourselves.

First, we should not try to please everyone. All people are different. It is simply not possible for everyone to like it. Remember this, "cut it out on your nose" and your emotions about the fact that someone might not like you will subside, you will become 100% confident in yourself.

Secondly, you are not must be liked by everyone. It is possible that a person who, as you think, did not like and expressed negative emotion to you, this may well mean that this person does not have such positive qualities that you possess and therefore, he expresses negative emotion in relation to you ...

Thirdly, you cannot force people to be emotionally kind to you and to other people.

Fourth, be sure that you are the best and good because you do everything to please another person, but he does not. He absolutely does not care what they think of him. And these are his problems, not yours, therefore - live with your head held high and pass by people who do not know how to appreciate a good attitude towards them.

I wish you to feel emotionally happy and let people who will be meet on your way - will be filled with only positive emotions.

"We are a vessel from which flows what we are filled with" Japanese wisdom.

First, you need to define the concepts.

Emotions are an external manifestation of feelings. Emotions serve to let other people know how a person is feeling.

Feelings are signals from our psyche that help us survive. All living beings have feelings. Unpleasant / uncomfortable feelings (fear, resentment, guilt) tell us that our life is in danger. And pleasant / comfortable feelings (joy, calmness, confidence) tell us that our life is not in danger, that we are moving in the right direction.

At the heart of the matter : the shortest path is to see a psychotherapist. Not to a psychologist, but to a psychotherapist. He will find the reason in your head that led to this. A psychotherapist will save you several years of your life and a lot of money.

I have heard the curious idea that impulsivity (emotional reaction) comes from the days when people were hunters and there were few of them. If a person felt someone else's hand on his shoulder from behind, then he first beat him with a club, and then looked at the coma. Therefore, the emotional response itself is quite natural. But in society, this behavior is often unacceptable.

Above, the pros have already given advice on how to take control of the emotional reaction. I will give one more advice from my own experience - there are a number of activities where emotionality is very needed, for example, in poetry or in other creative pursuits. If you manage to become a good pro in some such area, then you will thank God for giving you so many vivid emotions! And most of those around you will not reproach, but will consider this a special trait of your character.

It probably makes sense to learn how to restrain yourself at least for a minute in negative reactions.

Sonya, in order to give you initial advice and not to breed for grandmas, information is needed. starting from birth. when, where were they born, what family, who raised, kindergarten, school, interests and hobbies, education, specialty, work, team, family? creative potential? the rubik's cube will not help here, it will only be able to distract. if you cannot work on yourself, there are methods of collective influence. the prescription is written out after analysis.

Try Solvik bricks, they help you to understand and work out your emotions. And this is not all their capabilities - read on the Internet, there is a lot of information about them.

Perhaps my mother said in childhood: if you behave well, I will love you. As a result: the child grows up with a clear plan: in order to be loved, you have to be good and everyone should like it. Maturity is separating yourself from your parents. By cutting the umbilical cord, you will free yourself and stop looking back at opinions, looking in everyone's mouth in the hope of getting permission to live. Give yourself permission to live. Getting permission from yourself is the hardest thing to do.

What you described - the need for constant approval and panic in the absence of it - is not "living with emotions." It is simply a lack of self-esteem, self-doubt and self-loathing that are the result of parenting problems. Can be overcome by psychotherapy.

And "living with emotions" is giving priority to decisions and actions that are not based on rational thinking. You got nasty - you yell back, not thinking how appropriate and effective such a reaction is at the moment and in these circumstances. You have been praised - you bloom and melt without thinking why you were praised and what they expect for it) And so on.

To get away from this method of action, it is enough to develop the habit of asking yourself the questions "What is happening now? Why is this happening? What can I learn useful and valuable from this? "

At the very least, it will slow down your reaction speed and allow any emotions to" cool down ". And this, in turn, will save you from a number of mistakes.

As a maximum, it promotes proactive, not reactive behavior. That is, you will act in any situation not based on what you were offered, but based on what you need)

Stopping feeling is not the goal.

It is important to understand what you are feeling and why. It is a long, but worthwhile work on myself.

Playing Go helped me to sort out my emotions. When I just started to play, I did it with passion, and often made mistakes, clear even to me as a beginner, already on the next move. The key rule of controlling the situation (hereinafter a quote from some stalker book): take your time and look around .

Gradually in the game I began to notice that I was interested in playing when I see a picture entirely and comparing the value of the options for the development of the game, and not just following my first impulse.

The trick of the Go game is that you can gain universal experience - there are victories and defeats, and, as an option, communication with a game partner, and development through work on yourself or through the implementation of specific recommendations on the game - this is already individual for everyone.

Thanks to the Internet, I have already played many thousands of games in Go on different sites - and a more stable psyche than it was before.

Addition: physical education (in a broad sense - dumbbells , swimming, running, horizontal bar and parallel bars, etc.) cannot be replaced by anything, since we are talking about mental stability .

You asked the question in general. If the same, without clarification, in general, to answer, then:

1. Master emotional intelligence. That is, first of all,

• to develop the ability and habit to notice your emotions in the moment and call them in words. For example, - "now I am angry and offended, and I also feel disgust and powerlessness. At the same time." - Because if you don't notice them, and to notice is exactly to NAME in the moment, then you really just are and act in all this compote without regaining consciousness - and the process is very unexpected and unpredictable for yourself (and those around you! )

• When you learn to notice and name your feelings in the moment, you will have the opportunity to CHOOSE how to deal with them. To do something, or not to do that. Until you name your feelings in the moment, you simply have no choice. Reactive actions: felt - reacted. I got angry - did not notice, endured - burst out and suffered. Etc.

2. If you live in a city where there are psychotherapy groups of the Gestalt approach, go there for it. The easiest way to learn is their format. If not, then by yourself.